I flew through the first couple of months after our separation in an adrenaline-powered blur.But things like finding a place to live and paying for it all by myself, taking care of almost all the day-to-day parenting of two small children, and trying to find a job when I'd been out of the workforce since college terrified me.It may sound counterintuitive, but one of the best ways to increase the passion within your relationship may be to find new ways to develop yourself outside of it. Taking care of yourself will replenish you, making you more receptive to love in your life."You can't feel love for someone else if you're feeling crappy about your own life," says Weiner-Davis. Related: 5 relationship warning signs couples should never ignore Dozens of studies have found that one of the best ways to bust a rut is by injecting some novelty into your usual routine.Even if my husband and I didn't get along, we were both still deeply invested in the minutiae of running our family.
My progress from a weepy self-hating paralytically over-apologetic constantly worrying shy chick to a person who is quite the opposite is absolute testament to that, I believe. "The Road Less Traveled" — This book almost made me break down it hurt so much at times to read.
over whether I had interacted with the popular girls the "right" way as we passed in the hallway between classes. This physical makeup was also molded by a dysfunctional, boundary-less childhood with some trauma along the way.
I mean, I didn't feel comfortable in my own too-tall skin let alone embracing someone else, all the while trying to act as if I, , actually felt good about myself or something. I would fret when someone looked at me the wrong way, if a teacher said a potentially critical thing (because obviously one's entire worth as a human being is determined by academic accomplishments), or most mortifying of all, if a "friend" who talked to me in private then gave me shade when a more cliquey group of girls passed our way. I don't know how much was nature and how much was nurture, but I know I was a very sensitive, hyper-aware kid who felt things very intensely.
The dark wrongness now permeated everywhere in my life, and somewhere along the way I think I realized: If everything is wrong, then maybe nothing is. One quick contextual anecdote before I get to The List.
This is when I first wholeheartedly gave the whole stupid embarrassing oeuvre of self-help a chance. My brain is totally different now and I know that I control my happiness — not anyone outside of myself. I dated a guy once who said, very concerned as he saw me poring through some of these books, "It's like one day you're into this self-help author and the next you're into another one. " I believe he was afraid that I was addicted to seeking, which I do think can be an actual problem (see: Scientology), when you don't trust your own self and intuition, but I also disagree with his thesis. "You Can Heal Your Life" and "You Can Heal Your Life: Workbook" — My favorite. I buy this book for people on the street sometimes.